Harmony and Heartbreak
by Claire Lafleur
Summary: "We are still friends, best friends, but if I continued to mess up your life, I wouldn't be worthy to call myself your friend, so I'm leaving you now."-Snape, I find him Fascinating; this is me exploring his brain and Lily's and James' in the process.
1. Chapter 1

"What the heck are you thinking?" I yelled.

"Lily, James and his 'pack,'" he said the word in a disgusted tone, "are going out of the castle again and I know where they're going this time!! I'm going to find out what they do when they leave the school at night! I'm going to turn them in!"

"You can't go. It's too dangerous!"

"Oh come on! I'll be fine. They're the ones who should be worried!"

"Severus_.__** Please**_," I begged.

He looked at me imploringly.

"What if you get hurt?"

"Like you give a damn what happens to me!!" he yelled turning red. I looked at him, shocked. How could he think something like that? My throat tightened and my vision blurred.

"_**Please**_,_**"**_ I begged again, "_Please,_"

"Give me one good reason why I should stay here with _you_."

I knew that if I told him the truth, that I wanted him to stay because he was my best friend, he would never stay. My friendship didn't seem to be enough for him anymore. But, I would never be able to forgive myself if I hadn't done everything in my power to keep him safe and something happened to him. So I did the only thing I could think of that would make him stay.

"Severus," I said quietly, looking at the floor, "**I need **_**you**_to stay with me."

I looked up into his eyes. They were suddenly close. Very close. I knew what was coming next and I was going to let it happen. It was the only way. He leaned in, pressed his lips to mine, and kissed me. I stood very still, intending to stay that way until he finished.

But, when he felt my resistance he stopped too. I knew that if I didn't do anything he would follow them, he would get hurt. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back, pretending to feel the same way he did. I could practically hear his happiness (if that's even possible). He believed me so easily. Tears of guilt and some other emotion, pain or fear from kissing someone I didn't love, built up behind my closed lids. My throat closed making it hard to breath.

He pulled away.

"Lily, I have to go," he whispered with a very un-Severus like smile. The tears spilled over and he brushed them off my cheek, still smiling. Anger built up inside me. After all I had done for him, the jerk was **still **going to leave me. WTH?!

Before I could yell at him, he had turned and continued to make his way down, through the hidden passage way to the shrieking shack.

It took me a minute to figure out what had happened and to recover from what I had done. Once I was fully awake again a ran/ stumbled down the passage way to catch up with Severus. Soon I could see a light up ahead, the end of the tunnel. I was only a few steps away from the opening of the passage, when I heard a heart stopping scream and a howl. I ran, faster out of the tunnel and collided with Severus, somehow ending up with him right behind me and a werewolf right in front of me.

Crap!

"Ahwooo!" it howled again, Its hot meaty breath covering my face and filling my nostrils.

Oh crap crap crap!!! What had I done! I was only _16_! I wasn't ready to die yet; I wanted to at least finish school first!!!

"Oh!" I gasped as something hit me, knocking me on the ground a couple of feet away.

Ow! My head! I touched the back of my head and looked at my hand; it was covered in thick blood. I looked up expecting to see the wolf in front of me preparing to eat me up.

Huh, that's odd, no wolf in sight. I blinked. Was that… James Potter? Yes, that was him. He was leaning over me. Oh, was he trying to tell me something? That's funny, why couldn't I hear him?

Black dots covered my eyes until I couldn't see.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so, basically I rearranged this whole story… Chapter one is the same, but everything else is in a different place and I added a lot of new stuff also. **

"Why did you bring her with you? Hoping you could show her how brave you are? Hoping you could get lucky?" James Potter sneered at Snape, Not feeling the least bit guilty for using these harsh accusations.

_He deserves it_, James reassured himself. _He made her cry. He made her kiss him._ But James knew that Snape didn't make Lily do anything, she did it because she cared about him. But this did not stop him from trying to convince himself that she only kissed him and she had only cried for him because he was her friend. _Yes,_ he thought, _it makes since that she would do that. In fact, she would probably do the same for all her friends. She might even do the same for me…_

"Potter?"

"What?"

Snape sneered, "I said Are you jealous Potter?"

"Jealous? Of what?"

"I know you saw it. I could see you in the passage way when she kissed me. I saw the look on you face." Snape grinned menacingly.

A terrible image danced in front of his eyes, only visible to him. He was walking down the passage way, going join Remus and Sirius, when he heard her. then turning the corner, eager to see her face, he saw that he was with her. James had stopped dead in his tracks and watched, in frozen horror, as the filthy, greasy haired boy leaned in and kissed first he was angry, he thought Snape was taking advantage of Lily, but then she kissed him back and...

Pain rooted itself into his stomach as he looked into the other boys dark eyes and smug face.

"Why would I be jealous of a pity kiss Snively? And_why_ would I be jealous of you when you are the reason she's in the hospital wing right now? I would hate to have her injury on my shoulders."

* * *

"Snape!" yelled a sharp female voice.

Severus looked up, searching for the speaker. He had been brooding in a corner and had not noticed the time or the emptiness of the common room. "What?" he snarled, seeing Bellatrix Lestrange.

"I have an offer for you!" she stated in a matter-of-fact voice. He looked at her, but did not say anything. "As you know a group of students with well developed talents and qualities of importance to the Dark Lord have been meeting regularly," she paused here to assess his mood. He sat a little straighter, but remained silent. "Well," she continued, somewhat put off by his lack of enthusiasm, "some of the guys think you have what it takes. I, however, don't."

"The point, Bellatrix?"

"The point, Snape, is that we have decided to over look your current friendship with the mudblood. We believe that it could be an advantage to our cause..."

"Why?"

She disregarded his question and said, "You will be at the next meeting and you will discuss this with no one, or else."

Without waiting for him to even acknowledge that he heard her, she turned and walked out of the common room.

Snape leaned back in his chair with his hands covering his face. "Great," he thought sardonically, "just what I need.

**Yes I know, I completely rearranged the story…. Again.**

**Sorry! This is the last time I promise… Well, I 'm like 99.99% sure it's the last time I completely change it! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay so, basically I rearranged this whole story… Chapter one is the same, but everything else is in a different place and I added a lot of new stuff also. Just start at chapter 2! **

"Mmm," I sighed and rolled over in bed. Slowly I opened my eyes and sat up stretching my arms and wiggling my toes.

"What? Where am I?" I asked stupidly.

I looked around, saw the rows of beds and the big cabinets filled with healing potions and enchanted bandages. Oh I was in the hospital wing, but how did I get here?

I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. Sitting next to my bed in a wooden chair, staring at me was Severus.

"Severus, what happened?"

"You hit your head. Really hard." I reached up to touch my head where it stung and felt thick layers of cloth wrapped tightly around my head.

"How?" I asked wincing at the sting as I tried to move my eyebrows up and down.

"When Potter came to the 'rescue' he accidentally pushed out of the way a little to hard."

"The rescue?" I demanded.

"He appeared out of nowhere and pushed you out of the way like a maniac," he took a deep breath and continued, "and then he did a spell to throw a boulder really far into the woods. That stupid wolf followed the sound it made when it landed. Once the thing was out of sight we grabbed you and ran."

"Wow."

Severus stared moodily at a spider climbing on the ceiling.

"What's wrong with you?"

His scowl deepened as I spoke, but he did not answer my question.

"Severus!" I yelled waving to get his attention.

He faced me and the look in his eyes made me stop mid-sentence.

I gulped, but continued, "What's with the attitude Sev?"

He looked at the spider again and sighed.

"Sev?"

"What?" he yelled turning to look at me again, his eyes on fire.

"What's wrong with you?" I whispered.

His face softened, "nothing Lil."

"Don't Lie to me Severus!" I hissed at him. After all I had done for him he couldn't tell me the truth?

"I'm not lying! It doesn't even matter, okay?"

"The hell it doesn't!" He glared at me again, "So help me Severus!"

"Fine Lily! You want to know what's wrong? It's you!" he paused to take a deep breath and continued, "Lily, you shouldn't have followed me last night. You were being stupid and you could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Me! Severus I was only there because of you!"

"You didn't have to follow me Lily! I would have been fine by myself."

"Severus! If it wasn't for Potter we would both be dead right now! Dpn't blame this on me because if it wasn't for him we would be dead and it would be your fault not mine. If you had just listened to me..."

"No Lily." he said in a dead voice. His change in tone surprised me, but his hands were shaking and balled into fists. "No, Lily," he said again, "If you had just stayed behind, I would have been fine on my own. If you hadn't followed me Potter would have found you and you could have kissed him instead of me. At least it wouldn't have been a pity kiss," He mumbled the last sentence.

"Severus! It was about to KILL you!"

"Yes, but if you hadn't been standing in front of me I would have been able to stop it. You always get in the way Lily!" His voice rose to its original volume.

Madam Pomfrey came bustling over, "Mr. Snape. Ms. Evans. Please," she said disapprovingly "I think its time for you to go." She said turning to Severus.

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the hospital wing.

Severus Snape walked into the Slytherin common room. "What is going on?" He asked himself as he sat in an empty corner of the room. He had never been this mad at Lily, and she had never been this mad at him. Everything had seemed so perfect. He was about to get his revenge on the filthy so-called _marauders_ and he had kissed Lily and she had kissed him back. He couldn't have been happier. But then Lily got hurt and James showed up What could have caused everything to go downhill in mere seconds?

"_James_," Severus decided. Yes, it made sense. Before James had showed up, everything was fine. More than fine. In fact, if James and his stupid followers had never been at this school then wouldn't Lily have eventually kissed him? "Yes," he thought, "she would have kissed me eventually."

If only he could get rid of James, that would make everything all right.

**-Enter Evil Laugh- **

**Reviews are loved! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: wow, its been a long time, I hope someone remembers this story. I just want to say thank you if you've stuck with this and are intending to keep sticking with it. I'm excited about this story. I have the whole thing planned out (finally!). There are about three chapters left in this story. I think its going to be really good, but it will take a while (although, you've already figured this out) I'm a mega procrastinator, who happens to be in her first year of highschool and in all honors classes, not that I'm making excuses or anything... **

-shortly after Sev storms out of the hospital wing-

"Okay dear," Madame Pomfrey says re-wrapping Lily's head. "You seem to be fine, but I want to keep you one more night." Lily looked at the woman pleadingly. "Nope," the woman said, leaving no room for argument. Lily sighed and looked out the window. The sun was disappearing behind the tips of the trees lining the forbidden forest; the sky around it was pink and orange. The honeyed-colors of the sky leaked into the Hospital wing, filling it with orangey light.

As the night drew nearer, Lily's thoughts drifted to her distant friend. "Why was Severus so upset?" she asked herself.

She tried to remember their conversation, searching for clues within it. He had been surly the whole time, but had seemed truly livid when she had talked about James Potter saving their lives. She could understand why he would be upset when talking about James in another circumstance. After all, James had been rude and downright mean to both her and Severus. But for Sev to speak of James Potter with such hatred after James had saved their lives was just as bad.

"Perhaps," she thought, "James wants to start over."

She had noticed that he and his friends had slowly started to mature. He had saved her life and Sev's. It didn't matter what happened between the pair and James in the past, this was the present and James had done something brave and kind. This, she decided, deserves some kind of reward… even if it was just a thank you.

Something had to be done, and who would do it better than her, certainly not Severus. Lily had made up her mind. She was going to thank James Potter as soon as she was released from this horrid place. And with that she drifted into sleep.

**Yeah, its short, I know. If you like this story/ chapter you can either leave me a review or you can offer a sacrifice to the snow gods for giving me an early dismissal and 27 minuet long class periods!**


	5. Chapter 5

Early this morning Madame Pomfrey checked over my head, and she decided I was in good enough condition to be around other people again. So, now I walked to the Gryffindor tower, not thinking about anything or anybody or how I would later go about confronting Potter. No, that stress inducing brain-work would have to happen later.

"Password?"

"Disodium," I said in a routine sort of way.

The fat lady gave me a stern look as if waiting for me to tie my shoes or tuck in my shirt.

"Umm…." I said a bit my lip self-consciously, realizing that the password must have changed while my head was fixing itself. "Look, I was in the hospital wing the past few nights, so I must've missed the password change. If you could just give it to me now, that would be gr- ,"

"No password, No entry. I'm sorry dear, but that's the rule."

She didn't seem very sorry. I opened my mouth to tell her so but lost my chance when her portrait swung open to reveal Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and (to my fear and delight) James Potter.

My jumbled emotions must have showed on my face, because they all looked fidgety and exceptionally un-Marauder-like.

Lupin sort of looked like he'd gotten in a fight with a rosebush and had lost, which wasn't entirely impossible, seeing as Herbology was becoming a very dangerous class as we approached our N.E.W.T.s. Black and Pettigrew looked as though they might have tried to pull the bush off of Remus, but had also failed in the attempt. All three boys looked weary and beat-up. I couldn't see Potter's face because he was skulking behind his friends, ostensibly very interested in his shoelaces. I decided that now would be as good a time as any to confront him. Assuming that he was probably in the same state as the others, I called out to him.

"James?" I said tentatively; I had never _actually_ talked to him before. He turned to look at me and I gasped; he looked as though he hadn't slept in weeks, (which was ridiculous because he looked fine two days ago) and there was something wrong with his eyes. They looked almost glassy, like they no longer held any emotion. No anger, no happiness, no…. nothing. It was bizarre to see this once so excessive and buoyant creature, woebegone and empty-looking.

"Um, can I talk to you…," I asked; he stared at the floor again, "alone?"

His friends looked up at me, shocked and then at James to see how he would respond.

"I guess so," he said shrugging with indifference, still not looking at me or his Marauders. Sirius tried to put a hand on his friend's shoulder as he walked by, but James just ducked out of the way and kept going.

He walked past me, and with an awkward nod to his friends, I followed him down the hall and around the corner.

As soon as we were alone, he stopped walking and pretended to study a painting of a tiger pacing back in forth, still refusing to look at me.

"Um, James?" still no eye contact; I scuffed my feet awkwardly, "look… I just wanted to say… Um, thank you….?"

As soon as he heard those last two words, he finally (F I N A L L Y) looked into my eyes, and the gesture almost seemed sincere. For a second he looked at me, really looked at me, and I was sure I had done the right thing. Everything would be fine now.

It happened immediately, it was almost as if someone had flipped Potter's decency switch off, leaving the former broody boy for me to deal with… again.

He looked at me for a few more seconds, and then he walked away, ignoring the indignant sputtering noises I made at his mood swings.

**_Merlin, what is with these distant boys! _**

**Yes, I know finally (F I N A L L Y) James and Lily in te same vasinity… to bad that didn't last long, but they will meet again fear not. Because I'm lazy and really into short chapters (it makes me feel like I'm actually get things done) this story will probably have more than 2 or three more chapters, but it's coming to a close (and yes, it is a cannon close)….… eventually. **


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